The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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