you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
