BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
