the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
