I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
