I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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