I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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