And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
