ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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