Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize