Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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