apparently the secret to your success is patron
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
