I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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