Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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