Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
