But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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