We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
