matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
