maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
