If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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