Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
