god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
