i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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