listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
