I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
