Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Watching her eat just hurts me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
