I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
