I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
