It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
that is very illegal...i love you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
