All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
