dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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