It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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