rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
