i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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