the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
