Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it was like eating out sand paper
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
