fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
