ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
