I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
