I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize