Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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