i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
