i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
