I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
