did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
