dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
