we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
