At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
