At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
