What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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