would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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