her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and she was petting her beer can
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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