I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
