Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
