nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
