I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
