When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
honey bunches of taint.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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