it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
