so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
