Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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