You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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