ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
a search helicopter?!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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