Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
