Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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