its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
