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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I smell stomach acid.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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