Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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