he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
