Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
