fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm passing your future prison.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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