my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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