Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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