Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
