You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
