Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
