people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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