i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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