i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think your dad took our porno
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
