I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
