remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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