the condom got lost in my hair
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
