If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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