I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
