All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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