It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
