you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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