Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
