I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
