this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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