I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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