Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
